I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
