So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
