Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
