If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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