If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
