Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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