I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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