I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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