No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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