well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
