They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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