I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
