My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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