It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
