I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
