I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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