worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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