God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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