no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
