Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
