My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
