if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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