I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
