"it" just moved
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
