Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
