thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
