FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
