he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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