did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
