Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
