DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
