I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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