I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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