Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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