I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
