So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
