yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
