she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
