I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
