i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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