quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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