Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I love having hate sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
