I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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