I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
