I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
