xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
