All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
