And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
