Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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