The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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